Garquafhiv is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, all-knowing mole.

Garquafhiv created the planet Mars eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Garquafhiv, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Garquafhiv, she will be very unhappy.

Garquafhiv's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Garquafhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never write about cell theory.

5. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Garquafhiv on top of all buildings.