Tipzencar is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, intelligent cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Tipzencar created humankind eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tipzencar, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Tipzencar, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Tipzencar's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Tipzencar's Holy Commandments

1. Erect five gold sculptures of Tipzencar on top of important buildings.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Tipzencar must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never feed peas to shrews while wearing black kilts.