Jopmetsas is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, unthinking manatee.

Jopmetsas created everything that exists six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopmetsas, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Jopmetsas, he will strike you with lightening.

Jopmetsas' most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Jopmetsas' Holy Commandments

1. Never wear kilts.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Do not take Jopmetsas' name in vain.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never wear black scarves.