Padveenten is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, strong ant.

Padveenten created everything that exists six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Padveenten, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Padveenten, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Padveenten's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Padveenten's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about comets.

2. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a building before entering it.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Porpoises are not to be trusted.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Padveenten.