Homlarptik is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, almighty clam.

Homlarptik created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Homlarptik, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Homlarptik, he will turn you into a duck.

Homlarptik's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Homlarptik's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Homlarptik.

2. Always look after injured monkeys.

3. Never paint your neck black.

4. Respect your elders.

5. You must pray to Homlarptik five times a day.