Dutsaghakciss is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, sapient beaver.

Dutsaghakciss created humankind nine million years ago.

If you believe in Dutsaghakciss, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Dutsaghakciss, she will turn you into a hamster.

Dutsaghakciss' most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Dutsaghakciss' Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Dutsaghakciss.

3. Do not speak about apples.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Goats are not to be trusted.