Gamwikzantiknurpomzakyik is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, selfish hyena.

Gamwikzantiknurpomzakyik created matter two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gamwikzantiknurpomzakyik, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Gamwikzantiknurpomzakyik, he will curse you with boils.

Gamwikzantiknurpomzakyik's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Gamwikzantiknurpomzakyik's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Gamwikzantiknurpomzakyik.

3. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Always wear red.

5. Do not commit murder.