Hakpoghunnullnatmin is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, unjust squid.

Hakpoghunnullnatmin created a photon four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakpoghunnullnatmin, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Hakpoghunnullnatmin, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Hakpoghunnullnatmin's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Hakpoghunnullnatmin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat figs.

2. Always help hamsters.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

5. Feed all hungry grasshopers.