Vansagtad is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, dishonourable dolphin.

Vansagtad created Europe two billion years ago.

If you believe in Vansagtad, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Vansagtad, he will turn you into a slug.

Vansagtad's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Vansagtad's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

2. Never eat parsnips.

3. Run away if nine eagles approach from the west.

4. Never feed figs to tortoises while wearing gray tights.

5. Never eat green fruit.