Arpjapzan Tanwadjat is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, overgenerous whale.

Arpjapzan Tanwadjat created the Whirlpool Galaxy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arpjapzan Tanwadjat, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Arpjapzan Tanwadjat, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Arpjapzan Tanwadjat's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Arpjapzan Tanwadjat's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear coats.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Feed all hungry grasshopers.

4. You must never eat strawberries.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.