Zakarfquagvol is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, witless wombat.

Zakarfquagvol created a quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zakarfquagvol, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Zakarfquagvol, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Zakarfquagvol's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Zakarfquagvol's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Always look after injured shrews.

3. Run away from fawn dolphins, for they are unholy.

4. Never look at stars.

5. Do not speak about cherries.