Vonkyampid is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, tranquil shrew.

Vonkyampid created the Black Eye Galaxy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkyampid, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Vonkyampid, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Vonkyampid's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Vonkyampid's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured aardvarks.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Vonkyampid.

3. Never write about nebulae.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate bats.

5. Great tits are not to be trusted.