Lunvonhapcimkan is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, slow raccoon.

Lunvonhapcimkan created gold three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lunvonhapcimkan, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Lunvonhapcimkan, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Lunvonhapcimkan's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Lunvonhapcimkan's Holy Commandments

1. Put Lunvonhapcimkan first in all things.

2. Foxes are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not run in public.

4. Never jump near aardvarks.

5. Always look after injured dogs.