Quillpagfoss is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, awe-inspiring swallow.

Quillpagfoss created dark matter two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quillpagfoss, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Quillpagfoss, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Quillpagfoss' most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Quillpagfoss' Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Hide if nine otters approach from the east.

3. Never laugh near snakes.

4. Never paint your head mauve.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.