Fabkemjab Tafmadzen is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, humorless warg.

Fabkemjab Tafmadzen created matter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fabkemjab Tafmadzen, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Fabkemjab Tafmadzen, it will destroy your favourite star.

Fabkemjab Tafmadzen's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Fabkemjab Tafmadzen's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

2. Do not hurt hamsters.

3. Do not kill seals.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Always wear brown.