Yarjapwiklam is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, charitable gerbil.

Yarjapwiklam created an up quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Yarjapwiklam, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Yarjapwiklam, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Yarjapwiklam's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Yarjapwiklam's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Erect six titanium sculptures of Yarjapwiklam on top of important buildings.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Yarjapwiklam.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.