Mutjangudcetstanzimmidfom Tiphitjinbaptanlunsog is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, annoying guinea pig.

Mutjangudcetstanzimmidfom Tiphitjinbaptanlunsog created humankind seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mutjangudcetstanzimmidfom Tiphitjinbaptanlunsog, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Mutjangudcetstanzimmidfom Tiphitjinbaptanlunsog, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Mutjangudcetstanzimmidfom Tiphitjinbaptanlunsog's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Mutjangudcetstanzimmidfom Tiphitjinbaptanlunsog's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate gulls.

2. Never mention otters.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

4. Always help monkeys in need.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.