Haspanyar is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, competent lizard.

Haspanyar created the world eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Haspanyar, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Haspanyar, he will turn you into a sheep.

Haspanyar's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Haspanyar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your back.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never look at asteroids.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.