Kemxucxucktofjipxucsand is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, resourceful dryad.

Kemxucxucktofjipxucsand created vertebrates two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kemxucxucktofjipxucsand, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Kemxucxucktofjipxucsand, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Kemxucxucktofjipxucsand's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Kemxucxucktofjipxucsand's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Run away if five tapirs approach from the south.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Retreat if three monkeys approach from the east.

5. Never think about asteroids.