Futgenmat is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, grumpy jackal.

Futgenmat created Europe two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Futgenmat, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Futgenmat, it will send you a sign.

Futgenmat's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Futgenmat's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

3. Do not trade with those who eat carrots.

4. You must never eat aubergines.

5. Never talk about stars.