Hatcumwot is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, almighty ferret.

Hatcumwot created humanity four million years ago.

If you believe in Hatcumwot, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Hatcumwot, she will be very unhappy.

Hatcumwot's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Hatcumwot's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never jump near snails.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Hatcumwot.