Vinbetgem is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, unsympathetic jaguar.

Vinbetgem created snails seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Vinbetgem, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Vinbetgem, she will try to impress you with trees.

Vinbetgem's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Vinbetgem's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no great tits in a building before entering it.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Hide if four goats approach from the east.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Vinbetgem loves gulls, so they must be respected.