Jopvolsisxuck is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, ill-tempered tortoise.

Jopvolsisxuck created an up quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Jopvolsisxuck, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Jopvolsisxuck, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Jopvolsisxuck's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Jopvolsisxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick birds.

2. Worship no other gods but Jopvolsisxuck.

3. Run away if seven ducks approach from the west.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.