Xemsintamben Quamkip is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, humane walrus.

Xemsintamben Quamkip created the Milkyway three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xemsintamben Quamkip, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Xemsintamben Quamkip, she will turn you into a frog.

Xemsintamben Quamkip's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Xemsintamben Quamkip's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Do not eat grapes.

3. Xemsintamben Quamkip loves dolphins, so they must be honoured.

4. Never wear shirts.

5. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.