Bansakfig is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, emotional cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Bansakfig created a quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Bansakfig, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Bansakfig, she will send you a sign.

Bansakfig's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Bansakfig's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if eight nematodes approach from the north.

2. Never paint your arms pink.

3. Do not dye your hair black.

4. Always help sick turtles.

5. Put Bansakfig first in all things.