Jarnmegvab Dogfet Queegkarvog is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, awe-inspiring scorpion.

Jarnmegvab Dogfet Queegkarvog created the world eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jarnmegvab Dogfet Queegkarvog, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Jarnmegvab Dogfet Queegkarvog, it will turn you into a tree.

Jarnmegvab Dogfet Queegkarvog's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Jarnmegvab Dogfet Queegkarvog's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear dresses.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never skip in the presence of snakes.

5. Never wear mauve rings.