Staftofyok is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, dishonourable hippopotamus.

Staftofyok created a bottom quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Staftofyok, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Staftofyok, he will turn you into a hamster.

Staftofyok's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Staftofyok's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear tights.

2. Never write about comets.

3. Run away if six snails approach from the north.

4. Never hurt foxes.

5. Never jump in the presence of voles.