Flamhinmat is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, thoughtless tortoise.

Flamhinmat created a bottom quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Flamhinmat, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Flamhinmat, it will be very sad.

Flamhinmat's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Flamhinmat's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Flamhinmat.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never paint your legs purple.

4. Never talk about frogs.

5. Always pray immersed in water.