Bedsafxen is a god.

She takes the form of a small, idiotic tortoise.

Bedsafxen created a Higgs boson three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bedsafxen, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bedsafxen, she will be very sad.

Bedsafxen's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Bedsafxen's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not trade with those who eat garlic.

3. Do not hurt turtles.

4. Erect a large tin sculpture of Bedsafxen on top of all buildings.

5. Always help sick voles.