Quartkonxuck is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, astonishing donkey.

Quartkonxuck created the Black Eye Galaxy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Quartkonxuck, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Quartkonxuck, he will turn you into a goat.

Quartkonxuck's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Quartkonxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never talk about amino acids.

3. You must pray to Quartkonxuck six times a day.

4. Retreat if three geese approach from the north.

5. Never mention badgers.