Nurtbess Flyrowbumcuss is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, cheerful hydra.

Nurtbess Flyrowbumcuss created Africa three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurtbess Flyrowbumcuss, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Nurtbess Flyrowbumcuss, he will turn you into a snail.

Nurtbess Flyrowbumcuss' most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Nurtbess Flyrowbumcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Always help horses in need.

2. Respect your elders.

3. You must never eat gooseberries.

4. Do not kill hamsters.

5. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.