Bapjoping is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, staggering unicorn.

Bapjoping created Europe three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bapjoping, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bapjoping, he will turn you into a worm.

Bapjoping's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Bapjoping's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Bapjoping three times a day.

2. Bapjoping loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Erect a large copper sculpture of Bapjoping on top of all buildings.