Hitbestbell is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, calm coyote.

Hitbestbell created the planet Jupiter six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hitbestbell, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hitbestbell, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Hitbestbell's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Hitbestbell's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never think about stars.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.