Loopnullyarp is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, cheerful dog.

Loopnullyarp created bats six million years ago.

If you believe in Loopnullyarp, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Loopnullyarp, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Loopnullyarp's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Loopnullyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Hide if eight bats approach from the east.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Loopnullyarp.