Gonkadflam is a god.

It takes the form of a large, wise mouse.

Gonkadflam created a bottom quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Gonkadflam, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gonkadflam, it will turn you into a tree.

Gonkadflam's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Gonkadflam's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no snakes in a room before entering it.

2. Erect seven carbon sculptures of Gonkadflam on top of important buildings.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Gonkadflam.

4. Never talk about tortoises.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.