Bastbetfem is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, clever octopus.

Bastbetfem created humankind six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bastbetfem, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bastbetfem, she will turn you into a frog.

Bastbetfem's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Bastbetfem's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick aardvarks.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never talk about planets.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.