Saffarnat is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, witty penguin.

Saffarnat created snails seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Saffarnat, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Saffarnat, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Saffarnat's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Saffarnat's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if four horses approach from the south.

2. Run away from brown mice, for they are unholy.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Pray towards the north.