Quatvabjap is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, wise hedgehog.

Quatvabjap created parasitic wasps four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatvabjap, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Quatvabjap, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Quatvabjap's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Quatvabjap's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity.

2. Never sit near squirrels.

3. Never go into magenta rooms.

4. Never look at asteroids.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.