Gildaptarp Quagfasflat is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, impressive salamander.

Gildaptarp Quagfasflat created the Andromeda Galaxy five million years ago.

If you believe in Gildaptarp Quagfasflat, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Gildaptarp Quagfasflat, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Gildaptarp Quagfasflat's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Gildaptarp Quagfasflat's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about black holes.

2. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Hide if eight badgers approach from the north.

5. Never feed parsnips to manatees while wearing blue dresses.