Shavlattig is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, passionate newt.

Shavlattig created the planet Earth seven million years ago.

If you believe in Shavlattig, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Shavlattig, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Shavlattig's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Shavlattig's Holy Commandments

1. Put Shavlattig first in all things.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

4. Never think ill of sick snails.

5. Never eat green fruit.