Yartzimgud is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, competent hamster.

Yartzimgud created the Large Magellanic Cloud six million years ago.

If you believe in Yartzimgud, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Yartzimgud, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Yartzimgud's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Yartzimgud's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in green rooms.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Always make sure there are no cats in a building before entering it.