Candiddudven is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, all-powerful snail.

Candiddudven created everything that exists nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Candiddudven, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Candiddudven, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Candiddudven's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Candiddudven's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention snails.

2. Retreat if four ants approach from the west.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Always look after injured frogs.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force.