Gessbutmum is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, grumpy whale.

Gessbutmum created carbon three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gessbutmum, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gessbutmum, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Gessbutmum's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Gessbutmum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate swans.

3. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. You must never eat corn.

5. Never feed apples to voles while wearing cyan scarves.