Hakhaklad is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, sage raccoon.

Hakhaklad created the Virgo Supercluster six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hakhaklad, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hakhaklad, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Hakhaklad's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Hakhaklad's Holy Commandments

1. Put Hakhaklad first in all things.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate capybaras.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never run in holy places.

5. Do not take Hakhaklad's name in vain.