Wonxemtif is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, unselfish hydra.

Wonxemtif created water three billion years ago.

If you believe in Wonxemtif, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Wonxemtif, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Wonxemtif's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Wonxemtif's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in the presence of tapirs.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Always look after injured tortoises.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.