Bonkflamrul Tan is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, unthoughtful porpoise.

Bonkflamrul Tan created dark energy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bonkflamrul Tan, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bonkflamrul Tan, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Bonkflamrul Tan's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Bonkflamrul Tan's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never eat oranges.

3. Do not run in public.

4. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

5. Feed all hungry birds.