Lapcimpanfuthabjippopsaw is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, humane guinea pig.

Lapcimpanfuthabjippopsaw created a top quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Lapcimpanfuthabjippopsaw, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Lapcimpanfuthabjippopsaw, he will jump up and down on your head.

Lapcimpanfuthabjippopsaw's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Lapcimpanfuthabjippopsaw's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Erect eight nickel sculptures of Lapcimpanfuthabjippopsaw on top of important buildings.

5. Do not wear lead on your body.