Gatmidduss is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, selfish slug.

Gatmidduss created the solar system eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gatmidduss, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gatmidduss, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Gatmidduss' most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Gatmidduss' Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Gatmidduss on top of all buildings.

5. You must love Gatmidduss.