Bogcamxuc is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, contented narwhal.

Bogcamxuc created light five billion years ago.

If you believe in Bogcamxuc, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Bogcamxuc, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bogcamxuc's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Bogcamxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Bogcamxuc on top of all buildings.

2. Do not dye your hair black.

3. Retreat if three squirrels approach from the north.

4. Shrews are not to be trusted.

5. You must love Bogcamxuc.