Yamkemnarlteen Quagzigsittarnaksandbabpad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, impressive clam.

Yamkemnarlteen Quagzigsittarnaksandbabpad created the cosmos six million years ago.

If you believe in Yamkemnarlteen Quagzigsittarnaksandbabpad, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Yamkemnarlteen Quagzigsittarnaksandbabpad, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Yamkemnarlteen Quagzigsittarnaksandbabpad's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Yamkemnarlteen Quagzigsittarnaksandbabpad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Run away from brown cats, for they are unholy.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not wear violet clothing.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.